Building a framework for living #15: Putting it all together
Frameworks for Living.
They are constructs that help us safely navigate our ephemeral existence through the vastness of space and time in which we find ourselves. An existence that often faces the challenge of navigating through two opposites, be they the discord between our desires and our means or just facts of what existence is.
A basic need for a framework for living is to have a set of tools to reconcile two opposites because without a reconciliation life could be a torturous journey.
Here are some examples.
One day we wake up and find out that our genes with receptors of mortality have expressed themselves. From that point onwards, we must live side by side with the awareness of mortality.
The awareness of mortality and the need to keep on living a fulfilling life are the two opposites facts of existence that require constant reconciliation.
After a working career that spans 30+ years, thoughts and desires of retirement start to knock on the door. Fantasies of taking walks along the beach every evening, of having no deadlines for submitting progress reports that probably no one ever reads, start to invade our dreams. And yet, we are terrified of leaving work, and what all it gives us, behind.
The desire to retire, and yet, feeling terrified of leaving it all behind without quite knowing what we are going to do with the discretionary time after retirement, are two opposite facts of growing old also in need of reconciliation.
We know that the most important asset in life is our health. Except for a lucky few, being healthy seldom is a free ride. To increase our chances for a healthier life span, we need to develop appropriate habits – exercising regularly, eating better, having a good social network, etc.
The wish to have a longer health span and our reluctance to develop appropriate habits so we have a better chance at a longer healthier life span are two opposite desires in need of reconciliation.
Examples of such opposites in our life abound. With their presence, a question that confronts us is what can to do to find a reconciliation between them and be able to lead an equanimous, fulfilling, and a measured life?
The bottom line is that if we want to successfully walk a tight rope carrying the weight of two opposites, and hope to succeed at the task, we need to tinker with the two opposite poles so they can co-exist in harmony and not distract our conscience with unending, and ultimately, exhausting, bruising battles that can rage within ourselves.
The possibilities of what we could do to bring reconciliation are many. If possible, we can change the poles, for example, in the case of an unhealthy desires, curtail the desire itself. However, if the two poles are facts of existence and there is nothing we can do about them, we could find a way to navigate between them and keep them in balance.
Going back to examples of opposites given before, ...
We, after all, are mortal beings and there is nothing we can do about this fact of existence that is an unrelenting consequence of entropy. We also need to keep on living and that also remains a fact of existence. In this case, all we can do is to cultivate a framework for living that brings a balance between the opposites that mortality and need to continue living are.
In the case of retirement, there is no denying that with each passing moment we are getting older, and one day the natural order of things – be it to hand over the baton to the younger generation and move on, or just a general decline in the physical or cognitive conditions - would like us to see retired. Of course, we could choose to eventually die at the office desk, but the alternative of retiring is so much of a better option. In this case the approach would be to develop strategies for life post-retirement that not only fill what niches work life filled, but also make our remaining time on the blue planet an enjoyable and a positive experience.
Our wish for a longer health span, oh well, we can let the desire go and eliminate the pole per se, but it is only us who would suffer, and not only that, also deplete our financial resources while we are at it. In this case, it would be prudent to develop habits that promote healthier lifestyle, and thereby, improve our chances for a longer health span.
In the cases when both the poles, or one of the poles of the opposite we confront is beyond our control, following the advice from the Stoics, the wise strategy would be to either focus on pole we can change, or if that luxury is not there, focus on developing a framework for living that brings the opposites in harmony.
It is in attempting to make necessary changes, the need to develop the appropriate framework for living comes to the fore.
Whew, that was a long preamble to get us here and set the context. Where to go next?
The knowledge that we need to have a framework for living, however, is not enough. We also need to know some basics about how to go about building a framework for living that is appropriate for us and for reconciling the opposites it is designed for.
The first conundrum in this quest we face is understanding what does appropriate mean?
A useful approach to think what appropriate framework for living is to consider that (i) it fits the profiles (or contours) that is us – physical, financial, psychological, and (ii) if we are to live by the framework for living, it brings us closer to reconciling the opposites for which they were meant.
An appropriate clothing is that fits out physical form. A pair of trousers with a waist size 30 is not appropriate for a waist that is 34. Forcing them together is only going to hurt.
An appropriate car to purchase is the one that fits our financial wherewithal; going above our means is shortsighted and will hurt our financial being in the long run.
Similarly, an appropriate framework for living for us is the one that fits our psychological contours - who we are, what we value, what our morals are, etc.
The next task is to figure out the measure of success. Let us follow this thought further.
Let us suppose that after some introspection, trial and error, we do come up with what we think is the appropriate framework for living and its goal is to reconcile our awareness of mortality and our need to live so that we can have a functional and fulfilling life.
With a framework for living in hand, what will be a yardstick that can measure its success?
The obvious yardstick would be to assess whether by following the framework for living we reach the goal that the framework was aimed for, i.e., whether the awareness of mortality and living had a peaceful coexistence. And if they did then a tangible outcome would be that nearing the end of our time on this planet, we might feel that our life was well lived.
Should that not be a measure of a good life in any case? Hearing people say about you that it was a life well lived sounds like the highest tribute one can receive. In your own mind you can imagine nearing the moment of death, looking back and saying that it was a life well lived, and if given a chance then without changing anything, I would not mind living it again sounds like a good measure for success.
Completing our tenure on this planet and leaving this ephemeral existence behind with a smile on our face and feeling of contentment in our heart, what could be a better sentiment to embrace at the moment of death.
Snap! Let us move on before we get too entangled in poetic dreams.
Nearing the final years of life, reaching out for the yardstick and checking if our life was well lived, however, is a risky proposition. If the answer turns out to be a no, it would be too late to change our framework for living and set it right.
An easier approach for assessing whether our framework for living is the right one or not is to consider if our days are well lived. Following this paradigm, we get many more chances to assess if we are on track to reach our goal or not, and if not, make necessary adjustments.
The elegance of this measure is that if our days are well lived, they also add up to a life well lived.
Going deeper, what makes a day well lived is determined by the activities we engage in during the discretionary time we have. It is the sum of these activities that determines if the day was well lived or not. A litmus test for which would be ask whether given a chance, would we look forward to living today again? If the answer we get is yes then it was a day well lived.
In this paradigm, the appropriate framework for living becomes the activities that are in our portfolio of engagement that we draw from during the day. It is worth remembering that the gift of discretionary time is a privilege that lots of people on the planet do not have. It is a terrible thing to waste gifts that come to us as a matter of luck.
The last step in the process is to ensure that the activities align with our psychological contours, particularly, with our values.
The long chain of steps involved in building the appropriate framework for living finally comes down to knowing what we value. If we know that, we can build a portfolio of engagements to match our values, and thereby, we will have the appropriate framework for living that will take the jagged edges from awareness of our mortality.
If we do not align activities in our portfolio of engagements with our values, life becomes a car whose wheels are not balanced and the constant effort to steer and keep on the right track can wear us out.
Our task then is to know what our values are.
What we value is harder than figuring out than our physical and financial contours.
A possible approach is to look back on our own life and try to recall the activities that brought us the sense of joy, engaging in which we felt motivated. Some of the activities may have been forgotten and washed away with the flow that life becomes, but nonetheless, they are part of who we were and could be resurrected again.
Or one could also take online tests to understand what our innate strengths are.
The recipe for building the appropriate framework for living, therefore, is: know what our values are; find activities that align with those values; build a portfolio of engagements that is a collection of such activities, implement them in daily life and see if they bring the feeling of a day being well lived; if something does not seem to work, make necessary tweaks. If the answer is yes, voila, we have the desired framework for living!
The benefits of having the right portfolio of engagement go beyond its primary objective of reconciling two opposites and are multifaced.
The same activities, by aligning with our values, give us a sense of meaning and purpose; at the end of the day, they help us sleep better; they make us look forward to getting out of bed tomorrow; they give an identity; they become an anchor and provide structure to the day.
One last comment on activities in the portfolio of engagements is that they could also form a thriving ecosystem of activities that sustain and feedback on each other.
With that, it is time for me to head out and put together an appropriate framework for living for what is coming – retirement.
Ciao.
Related:
Building a framework for living #1: Becoming aware of mortality
Building a framework for living #2: The basic premise for its need
Building a framework for living #3: Follow the advice from stoics
Building a framework for living #4: The basic principles
Building a framework for living #5: Working with the fundamental unit that makes a life
Building a framework for living #6: The alchemy of fulfilling days
Building a framework for living #7: The yardstick for fulfilling days
Building a framework for living #8: What makes a day anyway?
Building a framework for living #9: A strategy to make a day well lived
Building a framework for living #10: Choosing right engagements to make a day well lived.
Building a framework for living #11: Need for aligning engagements with our values
Building a framework for living #12: Other consequences of portfolio of engagements
Building a framework for living #13: An ecosystem of interconnected engagements
Building a framework for living #14: The starting point
