Building a framework for living #11: Need for aligning engagements with our values
Arun Kumar
Have you ever driven a car whose wheels are not properly aligned? If yes, do you recall what it feels like?
Remember the feeling of such a car having its own mind. It always wants to go in one direction, and you must force the steering wheel in the opposite direction to keep it from veering away from the road. It feels like driving cross-eyed — the steering hints that the car should be heading straight, but it wants to veer right.
If you ignore the misalignment and keep driving the consequence is that the treads on the tires get worn off in a hurry and soon you would be spending hard earned money for a new set of tires. If the underlying problem, i.e., misalignment, is not corrected, the cycle repeats.
Something similar happens if the various parts of life are not in alignment. It is particularly true for the choices we make that are the engine of various facets of our life.
The choices we are talking about are the activities to put into our portfolio of engagements. The choice is important because our portfolio of engagements determines if at the end of our journey we were to look back, would we be able to say that it was a life well lived.
Waiting for your entire life to pass before we have the chance to confront that question is a risky proposition. If we were wrong in the choices we made, it may be too late to make any mends.
How about considering something more tangible? What if we evaluate whether at the end of the day there is a sense of well-being that whispers that our day is well lived?
To make the right choices such that they lead to the sense of days well lived, one needs to have certain criteria against which to weigh options that are available to us for spending the hours during the day.
We can choose to exercise. We can read a book and learn something new. We can go for a walk in nature. Or we can sit in front of the TV all day and step out once to pick up the mail and hurry back in during a commercial break. We can cook a simple, yet a healthy meal or opt to heat up a frozen entree.
Which options to pick and put in our magic bag of holdings and how to go about deciding the right from wrong?
One criterion to make choices that would be right for us is to measure them against our values. If we value our health, then the right choice is to exercise. If we have a growth mindset, the right choice would be to invest time in reading and learning.
On a single day choosing between distinct options may sound innocuous and consequences may not pass the meh test but repeated day after day that become a month and then turn into years, the consequences of making wrong choices could be profound.
If we do opt to make choices that align with our values, the resulting portfolio of engagements played out during the day either brings us closer to our values or may result in actually realizing our values. If that happens then our choices in the portfolio of engagements, and our values, are in good alignment. It is then it feels like that the time in the day was well spent.
It is then the car we are driving heads down the road of life, we arrive at the destination without its parts not wearing off.
It is the right alignment between distinct parts of life that also brings the sense of being wholesome, gives us a sense of serenity, allows us to feel connected with the universe, and makes us feel that we are where we need to be.
It is the right alignment that brings the feeling that the moments given to us are a gift that we are grateful for. And with that gift we are no longer afraid of the knowledge that one day that gift shall end because we put that gift to good use.
On the other hand, if choices we make do not align with the values we have, the consequences are unpleasant. There are words to describe what ensues in such a scenario — cognitive dissonance, intrapsychic depression, existential crises etc.
We might have a growth mindset but if we opt to choose to be immersed in watching TV or flitting through one website to another on majority of days, then the conflict between what we value and what we do will eventually result in cognitive dissonance and a feeling of being adrift, empty, having no purpose.
The same misalignment may also result in intrapsychic depression that results from our unconscious conflicts, feelings of guilt or inadequacy, or a sense of disconnection from one’s inner self that values one thing but is not able to steer the life properly.
Misalignment can easily result in or amplify the feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, and a lack of meaning or purpose in life, and if left unchecked, could wear us out.
Does this not sound very much like a misaligned car wearing down the tires in a hurry? A misaligned portfolio of engagements can also wear down our psyche, and our life in a hurry.
Why should we consciously make choices that do not align with our values? Possibly we are not quite aware of our own values. Perhaps there are other alternatives that are much easier to follow and like water we follow the path of least resistance.
Oh well, we all are fallible and make mistakes but get the chance to correct. If I take my car to the shop and get the wheels aligned, things can be changed.
The message is that I better build a portfolio of engagements that align with my values, because if I don’t, I may regret when it is too late to do anything about it.
Ciao.
Summary
- If various facets of our life are not aligned then like a misaligned car, our mental and physical treads wear out in a hurry.
- And therefore, there is the need to make right choices for the activities in our portfolio of engagements that are the drive of our life.
- A way to do that is to align our engagements with our values.
- It is the right alignment between distinct parts of life that brings the sense of being wholesome, gives us a sense of serenity, allows us to feel connected with the universe, and makes us feel that we are where we need to be.
Related:
Building a framework for living #1: Becoming aware of mortality
Building a framework for living #2: The basic premise for its need
Building a framework for living #3: Follow the advice from stoics
Building a framework for living #4: The basic principles
Building a framework for living #5: Working with the fundamental unit that makes a life
Building a framework for living #6: The alchemy of fulfilling days
Building a framework for living #7: The yardstick for fulfilling days
Building a framework for living #8: What makes a day anyway?
Building a framework for living #9: A strategy to make a day well lived
Building a framework for living #10: Choosing right engagements to make a day well lived.
