Balancing Novelty and Memory: Lessons from Larry
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards — Søren Kierkegaard
Summary: Without memory retention, everything is done the first time, and it could make life interesting. However, this state of being also brings forth a paradox of balancing novelty, memory, and identity. While novelty brings excitement and growth, memory provides stability and a sense of self. Without memory of our past, we would struggle to form deeper connections and an identity. This highlights the importance of balancing new experiences with memory and having a fulfilling life.
Meeting Larry
We finally took the leap and moved to a 55+ retirement community. There were several reasons behind our decision: a desire to escape extended winters and avoid being homebound for a good part of the year; a wish to settle down in a place where we might eventually retire while our bodies and minds are still functioning well; and the appeal of being in a setting that offers ample opportunities for social interactions.
So far, living in this community has been a pleasant experience. The little pond behind our home offers a blend of tranquility, and there are plenty of social activities to choose from. Being here also gave us the chance to meet a fellow resident, Larry. This is a little story about Larry and the life lessons be brought home.
We don’t have any background on Larry and only come across him during our walks. The curious thing about our encounters is that each time we meet, it’s a novelty for him. Perhaps due to the impairments of old age, Larry might be having trouble remembering. At the beginning of each meeting, we go over the same pleasantries again. This repetitive yet novel experience has led me to ponder a paradox: each day is a new experience for Larry, but at the same time, he lacks the continuity of time and the memories that define the self. Given that, what is the utility of novelty for him?
Memory and Who We are
Memory plays a crucial role in shaping our identity. It is through our recollections of the past that we build a sense of continuity and self-awareness. For Larry, however, each day is a blank slate. This raises an interesting question: Is the perpetual novelty of Larry’s experience beneficial, or is there a need for a balance between novelty and the retention of memory?
On the one hand, the novelty of each day for Larry can be seen as a positive aspect. Every interaction is fresh and untainted by the baggage of past experiences, allowing him to live in the moment. This can be particularly beneficial in a retirement community, where the focus is often on enjoying the present, making the most of each day, and trying to brush aside the angst of our finite existence.
However, the lack of memory retention also poses challenges. Memories provide a framework for understanding our place in the world and our relationships with others. Without a clear notion of the past, Larry might struggle to form deeper connections and maintain a coherent sense of self.
Is There an Optimal Place?
The paradox of Larry’s situation underscores a broader truth about life: the need for a balance between novelty and memory. Novelty brings excitement and a sense of discovery, which are essential for growth. It keeps life interesting, prevents stagnation, and makes us look forward to getting out of bed in the morning. On the other hand, memory provides stability and a sense of identity. It allows us to learn from our experiences and build meaningful relationships. However, the capacity of our brains is finite. In the end, we cannot carry everything from the past along. Some memories need to be let go to make room for new experiences.
While not remembering anything and allowing each day to be a novel experience in bad, being forever burdened by everything from the past is not good either.
As we age, this balance becomes particularly important. It allows us to have new experiences while selective retention of memories helps maintain a sense of continuity and identity. A well-lived life is an intricate optimization problem. All aspects of our well-being require balance and moderation — neither too little nor too much exercise is good; both overeating and undereating are harmful; and too much or too little sleep is detrimental.
On one of our upcoming walks, we’ll run into Larry again. Instead of the usual, “Long time, no see. How have you been?” we’ll simply say, “Nice to meet you,” giving Larry the pleasure of a fresh experience. It’s the least we can do.
Ciao, and thanks for reading.
